someecards.com

Put in the least amount of labor possible today by sending someone a Labor Day ecard!

Someecards — Mon, 6 Sep 2010 12:56:00 EDT

Enacted by Congress in 1882, Labor Day was originally envisioned by Grover Cleveland to "celebrate the strength of the trade and labor organizations with a parade and free electronic greeting cards for all U.S. citizens." Today the holiday is mostly about marking the end of summer, but in honor of our former president's wishes, Someecards encourages you to freely share our Labor Day ecards with friends, family, coworkers, and your unemployment benefits case manager.

All Labor Day cards >>

Learn the difference between what's annoying and what's astoundingly annoying about airline travel.

Someecards — Fri, 3 Sep 2010 12:01:00 EDT

Take a cathartic trip with The Oatmeal to meet the people who are somehow even more idiotic and oppressive than the never-ending airline regulations.

Wish someone a fond farewell >>

My door is always open if you ever want to talk about how you can get the fuck out of my office.

Someecards — Fri, 3 Sep 2010 11:13:00 EDT

I can't wait to meet you in a well lit, busy location.

Someecards — Fri, 3 Sep 2010 10:40:00 EDT

Charlie Sheen turns 45 today and will get a raise from CBS even if he murders Jon Cryer in cold blood.

Someecards — Fri, 3 Sep 2010 01:01:00 EDT

Other Celebrity Birthdays for September 3!

Snowboarder Shaun White turns 24 but has the haircut of a girl half his age.
French Director Jean-Pierre Jeunet turns 57 and will spend his birthday reveling in the simple sensual pleasure of sinking his hand into a sack of dried lentils.
Porn Star Amber Lynn turns 47 and her vagina turns 75.
Sex Pistol Steve Jones turns 55 and is just now realizing he probably should have used a cooler stage name.

I wish there was a holiday for people who don't do shit all day.

Someecards — Thu, 2 Sep 2010 15:01:00 EDT

Can winning a raffle increase the size of your breasts?

Someecards — Thu, 2 Sep 2010 12:01:00 EDT

In image-conscious Venezuela, some 30,000 breast implant surgeries are performed every year, and now one enterprising politician is truly capitalizing on his country's vanity. For a mere $6 a ticket, Venezuelans can enter a raffle to win breast implants for "you or your partner" and help fund National Assembly candidate Gustavo Rojas' legislative campaign. "The raffle is a legal method. We decided on breast implants because we wanted to target a specific public sector," said Rojas. This miraculously sounds less sleazy than most U.S. political fundraisers. (Via AFP)

In case you don't win >>

Now you can take a romantic vacation with your non-existent girlfriend.

Someecards — Thu, 2 Sep 2010 11:01:00 EDT

A beach town near Tokyo is offering fans of the video game "Love Plus" a chance to bring their digital girlfriends to life. Players can find barcodes that pull up images of their virtual significant others at various scenic locations. One hotel even offers a barcode so players can see their non-girlfriends wear summer kimonos in the privacy of their own rooms. Masturbation has never been so high-tech. (Via Mashable)

Happy trails >>

Have a great time reading my vacation tweets.

Someecards — Thu, 2 Sep 2010 10:01:00 EDT

The hurricane isn't coming anywhere near here but I say we evacuate anyway.

Someecards — Thu, 2 Sep 2010 09:01:00 EDT

Keanu Reeves turns 46 today and will try really hard to express that he's celebrating a birthday.

Someecards — Thu, 2 Sep 2010 01:01:00 EDT

Other Celebrity Birthdays for September 2!

Salma Hayek turns 44 and will try to wish herself a happy birthday without getting distracted by her breasts.
Mark Harmon turns 59 and is living proof that a handsome, moderately talented college athlete can go on to become a handsome, moderately talented actor.
Avant-garde composer John Zorn turns 57 and pretended to like his own music in college.
Aimee Osbourne turns 27 and, despite being an Osbourne, has still failed to make a living at embarrassing herself on national television.
Olympic Ice Dancing champion Scott Moir turns 23 and hopes he someday will have the courage to tell his parents he's an ice dancer.
Jimmy Connors turns 58 and will still probably get further in the U.S. Open than Andy Roddick.

Our favorite tweets for September 1, 2010!

Someecards — Wed, 1 Sep 2010 16:23:00 EDT

Jim Gaffigan 09/01/2010
"Hostage Situation at the Discovery Channel Building." I'm shocked! The Discovery Channel has its' own building?!
Michael Ian Black 09/01/2010
I wonder if there are insecure sharks.
Artie Johann 09/01/2010
I could have invented the fuckin' Arnold Palmer.
Mike Pomranz 09/01/2010
There comes a time in a man's life when he has to question his purchase of strawberry bubblegum.

Extremely flamboyant twin brother of Zach Galifianakis interviews Sean Penn without getting punched.

Someecards — Wed, 1 Sep 2010 15:56:00 EDT

Foursquare offers new way to overshare about your sex life.

Someecards — Wed, 1 Sep 2010 15:43:00 EDT

Would you like a badge with that penicillin shot? Foursquare has teamed up with MTV to reward its sexually active users for getting tested for STDs. The idea is to take away the stigma, which won't be difficult when your disease status is prominently displayed on Facebook to your Great Aunt Mable. Whether Foursquare users will use this new badge to increase STD awareness or to initiate unprotected sport sex with strangers is still undetermined. (Via CBS News)

A simpler notification method >>

How to die in the hippest way possible.

Someecards — Wed, 1 Sep 2010 15:02:00 EDT

Since urns and scattering aren't very cool, a British company has come up with a way to press your ashes into vinyl records after you've been cremated. For a mere £2000 ($3100 dollars), your corpse will get the basic package of 30 discs with a standard cover. When the time comes, your loved ones will be presented with you in the form of a completely unusable form of technology. Your death album can contain "a personal message, your last will and testament, or your own soundtrack." It's the perfect gift for very fashionable funerals. (Via Treehugger)

An album to kill yourself to >>

I can't wait to see which one of us looks the least like our profile pictures.

Someecards — Wed, 1 Sep 2010 14:29:00 EDT

Russians show off competitiveness and horribly lonely sex lives.

Someecards — Wed, 1 Sep 2010 12:21:00 EDT

Do you love the thrill of white water rafting as much as the thrill of orgasm with an inflatable, lifeless partner? Now you can have both in the annual "Bubble Baba Challenge" — a Russian race that pits 450 competitors hurtling down river rapids on blow-up dolls. This year’s champion was Vladislav Pavlenko and partner "Vanilla" who made the race in 2 minutes and 47 seconds. If you decide to compete, just remember that in Russia, you don’t ride sex doll, sex doll rides you. (Via The Sun)

Be more patriotic about your blow-up sex dolls >>

Conan's two-minute video announcing new show name is funnier than Leno's 17 years on The Tonight Show.

Someecards — Wed, 1 Sep 2010 11:51:00 EDT

Let's discuss >>

Dr. Phil turns 60 today and isn't actually a doctor.

Someecards — Wed, 1 Sep 2010 01:01:00 EDT

Other Celebrity Birthdays for September 1!

Emmy-winning stunner Padma Lakshmi turns 40 and continues to give hope to horribly unattractive men everywhere.
Actress Lily Tomlin turns 71 and will be getting her usual maniacally rageful birthday call from David O. Russell.
New York Jet Jason Taylor turns 36 and hopes coach Rex Ryan can keep the profanities to a minimum while singing "Happy Birthday."
Actress Natalie Bassingthwaighte is 35 and still can't spell her last name.
U.S. Congressman Al Green turns 63 and continues to disappoint Americans everywhere when they realize he's not the famous soul singer.

Let's celebrate the first time you cried naked in someone else's bed.

Someecards — Tue, 31 Aug 2010 18:09:00 EDT

Paris Hilton saying her cocaine belonged to a friend reminded me I owe you a call.

Someecards — Tue, 31 Aug 2010 15:53:00 EDT

Our favorite tweets for August 31, 2010!

Someecards — Tue, 31 Aug 2010 15:37:00 EDT

Sean Green 08/31/2010
If God had any sense of humor he would make sure the Situation impregnates Bristol Palin on Dancing with the Stars.
The Bosha 08/30/2010
I'm already on my second wind when I get up in the morning.
Wade 08/31/2010
If a guy ever asks me where the lavatory is, chances are I'm going to point him in the direction of the ladies bathroom.
Disalmanac 08/31/2010
Today in 1997, Princess Diana tragically died in a car crash, which tragically led to that awful, awful Elton John song.
Vincent Gallo 07/22/2010
Why is me shaving my balls not a trending topic?

How to spend your life getting constantly ripped off yet still refusing to pay 99¢ for an iPhone app.

Someecards — Tue, 31 Aug 2010 11:03:00 EDT

Do you enjoy pissing away hard-earned cash on overpriced burnt latte, unwatchable movies, and gadgets that all do the same thing? Then you're in the right country! And The Oatmeal will help you understand why that makes perfect sense — and why paying a dollar is somehow harder than paying hundreds.

Get the new someecards app, which we swear is totally worth it >>

Happy Labor Day to someone who barely labored this year.

Someecards — Tue, 31 Aug 2010 10:25:00 EDT

Van Morrison turns 65 today and can't believe you just ruined his birthday by asking him to sing "Brown Eyed Girl."

Someecards — Tue, 31 Aug 2010 01:01:00 EDT

Other Celebrity Birthdays for August 31!

Richard Gere turns 61 and continues his spiritual journey away from films like Pretty Woman and towards films like Runaway Bride.
Chris Tucker turns 38 and your mom thinks he was really good in that Chris Rock movie.
Deborah Gibson turns 40 and omigod this is so embarrassing but was totally a Debbie Gibson fan when she was a teenager.
Queen Rania of Jordan turns 40 and still makes you want to put a burqa over your girlfriend's head.
Wide Receiver Larry Fitzgerald turns 27 and is the only thing standing between the state of Arizona and utter embarrassment.

_{(Photo via Wikimedia Commons)}

Sorry Hurricane Earl has been to better places than you this summer.

Someecards — Mon, 30 Aug 2010 19:25:00 EDT

Now you can turn any blog post into an ecard!

Someecards — Mon, 30 Aug 2010 15:55:00 EDT

Have you spent most of your life yearning for something more from blog postings? Something more personal, more sendable, more ecard-ish? Well, today we're introducing a new feature called Post Cards which allows you to send any post on someecards.com as a self-contained ecard with your own personal message. That means celebrity birthday postings can easily become birthday cards, videos of cars with fake eyelashes can be a way to flirt, and a collection of funny tweets can be an afternoon pick-me-up for a friend with an unbearable case of The Mondays.

Just click the "SEND" button on any post to try it out. Even this one!

I'm excited all the shows I record and don't have time to watch won Emmys.

Someecards — Mon, 30 Aug 2010 15:16:00 EDT

Our favorite tweets for August 30, 2010!

Someecards — Mon, 30 Aug 2010 15:06:00 EDT

Rob Kutner 08/29/2010
Wow, I don't even believe January Jones' announcement of the winner. #emmypocalypse #Emmy Awards
rob delaney 08/29/2010
Just finished a screenplay in which a bearded Jon Hamm & a clean-shaven Jon Hamm team up & tickle me for 2 hrs.
Guy Nicolucci 08/30/2010
Officials having trouble estimating how many people went to Glenn Beck rally. Less trouble estimating how many black people went.
50cent 08/28/2010
My grandma pregnant again trying to talk her out of keeping it

Things That Actually Exist: Deep-Fried Beer

Someecards — Mon, 30 Aug 2010 14:16:00 EDT

Are you looking to stay drunk without having to strain your bladder? Mark Zamble has brought every unhealthy alcoholic's fantasy to life with a new deep-fried creation that lets you eat beer. Invented for the Big Tex Choice Awards (a.k.a. the Olympics of Fried Food), this inebriating edible is the ultimate carbo load: a pretzel dough pocket filled with malt and hops. Say goodbye to all those pointless meals you eat during blackouts! (Via Geekologie)

Let someone know how much you love alcohol >>

Vincent Gallo selling access to his genitals for cash.

Someecards — Mon, 30 Aug 2010 13:04:00 EDT

Recessions are hard on everyone — even for actor, model, director, and world-renowned asshole Vincent Gallo.

Read more >>

Take comfort this Labor Day in knowing the pressure to have fun this summer is finally over.

Someecards — Mon, 30 Aug 2010 10:01:00 EDT

UPDATE! Things That Actually Exist: Fake Eyelashes For Cars

Someecards — Mon, 30 Aug 2010 09:36:00 EDT

Have you run out of auto-based flirtation techniques for meeting the motorist of your dreams? Carlashes^TM will apparently help you up your game.

UPDATE! How do women with Carlashes find their mates? Simply look for men with Carstaches!

Read more >>

Get over your fear of bedbugs by focusing all your fear on Isabella Rossellini.

Someecards — Mon, 30 Aug 2010 09:01:00 EDT

It can be interesting to see a movie star take on a side project for the good of mankind. Like, say, creating a series of live-action two-minute mini-porno movies that explore the seduction and mating rituals of insects, ducks, and various marine animals.

Read more >>

Andy Roddick turns 28 today and has all of America rooting for him to barely make it to the quarterfinals of the U.S. Open.

Someecards — Mon, 30 Aug 2010 01:01:00 EDT

Other Celebrity Birthdays for August 30!

Comic book artist Robert Crumb turns 67, marking his 45th straight year of being a dirty old man.
Pitcher Cliff Lee turns 32 and will be celebrating with his wife and family unless they trade him for Roy Halladay.
Cameron Diaz is 38 and just realized she was confusing Alex Rodriguez with Andy Roddick.
Investor Warren Buffett turns 80 and still regrets not putting his $47 billion fortune into a snarky ecard site.

_{(Photo via Edwin Martinez on Flickr)}

Our favorite recent tweets!

Someecards — Fri, 27 Aug 2010 14:56:00 EDT

Rob Kutner 08/26/2010
Glenn Beck holding DC rally Saturday. Expect more concentrated white rage than at a last-minute-cancelled Coldplay concert.
Wade 08/26/2010
Umnuayporn, the 600-pound Thai woman who finally left her apartment after 3 years, is now officially the worst kind of porn.
Aziz Ansari 08/27/2010
Very opposed to the Ground Zero Mosque - but only cause I think we need a Ground Zero Chick-fil-A first. #WeNeedChickfilainNYC
Craig Baldo 08/27/2010
Tip for becoming an instant d-bag: be in a print ad for an expensive watch.
The Bosha 08/26/2010
I'm seriously considering converting to orthodox Judaism just to cover the bald spot.

I'd be worried about a double-dip recession if I didn't lose all my money in the first one.

Someecards — Fri, 27 Aug 2010 14:07:00 EDT

If bedbugs can go from homes to places of business, maybe you can too.

Someecards — Fri, 27 Aug 2010 12:54:00 EDT

Why the $%#@ can't I attach someecards to Facebook Walls anymore?

Someecards — Fri, 27 Aug 2010 11:54:00 EDT

If we had a nickel for every time we were asked that question, we'd buy Facebook if we found a bank willing to exchange a great deal of nickels for cash. The fact is, Facebook removed the ability to attach 3rd-party content directly to peoples' Walls. But there are new, only slightly less convenient methods for posting cards to friends' Walls!

Post directly from someecards.com. Just click the "Facebook" button under every card and you'll see the options for Wall posting.
Do it directly from the Someecards Facebook app. Just choose a card and you'll see the options for Wall posting.
Get the new Someecards iPhone app which allows you to post cards directly to Facebook Walls and Twitter.

There's really no one to blame for this inconvenience aside from Facebook.

Let us know if you have any questions!

It's okay to call Dr. Laura the "C" word, because white people say it all the time.

Someecards — Fri, 27 Aug 2010 11:05:00 EDT

I can't believe you haven't finished the thing I forgot to tell you to start.

Someecards — Fri, 27 Aug 2010 10:19:00 EDT

COLBERT REPORT: A man sullies Muslim bashing for the rest of America's law-abiding bigots when he slashes an Islamic taxi driver.

Someecards — Fri, 27 Aug 2010 09:31:00 EDT

DAILY SHOW: Glenn Beck wants to reclaim the civil rights movement on the anniversary of Martin Luther King's "I Have a Dream" speech.

Someecards — Fri, 27 Aug 2010 09:29:00 EDT

Paul Reubens (aka Pee-wee Herman) turns 58 today and will be writing his birthday present thank-you notes with his right hand.

Someecards — Fri, 27 Aug 2010 01:01:00 EDT

Other Celebrity Birthdays for August 27!

The Dog Whisperer Cesar Millan turns 41 and, without your knowledge, has gotten your pet to buy him a very expensive birthday present.
Former Sex Pistols bassist Glen Matlock is 54, and sometimes, in quiet moments on his own, minds the bollocks very much.
Professional Wrestler Robert Remus, better known as WWE's Sgt. Slaughter, turns 62 and is trying to decide in which state to run for governor.
Scrubs star Sarah Chalke turns 34 and will be celebrating the fact that she doesn't actually practice medicine in America's healthcare system.
Daryl Dragon, the Captain from Captain and Tennille, turns 68 and has finally resigned himself to the fact that he will never become a general.

Send a birthday card >>

Your taste in music has me worried about getting stuck in traffic together.

Someecards — Thu, 26 Aug 2010 21:01:00 EDT

The Someecards iPhone app now supports posting cards to Facebook and Twitter and is the best thing that's ever happened.

Someecards — Thu, 26 Aug 2010 16:22:00 EDT

Do you often find yourself thinking, "When will there be an iPhone app that changes the course of my life and even the course of human history?" Introducing Version 1.1 of the the Someecards iPhone app — something so insanely awesome, it's probably the only thing you will remember on your death bed. For starters, the new version allows you to post cards directly to Facebook and Twitter! And the update is completely free to current app owners, and a mere 99¢ if you don't own it already. Are you willing to part with a dollar for eternal joy? NOTE: It only works on OS 4 currently, but we'll be updating it to work on older versions soon.

Get it here >>

Understanding Inception may be the key to understanding why Inception is still a trending topic.

Someecards — Thu, 26 Aug 2010 15:05:00 EDT

We should discuss our vacations since I'm pretty sure mine was better.

Someecards — Thu, 26 Aug 2010 13:16:00 EDT

Our favorite recent tweets!

Someecards — Thu, 26 Aug 2010 12:37:00 EDT

Jeff Kelley 08/26/2010
Sat beside a young boy on the airplane today. It took everything in me not to ask him if he liked gladiator movies. And I nearly succeeded.
Rob Paravonian 08/24/2010
"Your ringtone sucks" is one of those rare statements that is always true.
Rob Huebel 08/25/2010
My dog's balls are coming off tomorrow. So we're both going to have fun with them today.
Pete Lee 08/24/2010
I'm on my way to Williston, ND. It's the most in the middle of nowhere I've ever been. I plan to show them the iPad and claim to be Jesus.
The Bosha 08/24/2010
Every time I'm sure I couldn't possibly be worse I am reminded to stop selling myself short.
Stephen Colbert 08/25/2010
If our flag has 13 stripes, shouldn't our year have 13 months? The new month can be called Amonthica. Also I need to take Amonthica 3rd off.

Things That Actually Exist: An Inglourious Basterds Nazi Action Figure

Someecards — Thu, 26 Aug 2010 11:59:00 EDT

Hey kids! Do you feel that action figures like G.I. Joe and Superman are lacking authentic period clothing and a certain raging anti-Semitic glint in their eyes? Then have we got the playtime figurine for you! This Colonel Hans Landa collectible figure is based on the sociopathic Nazi commander from Quentin Tarantino's most recent cinematic bloodbath, Inglourious Basterds, who refused to rest until he murdered every Jew in France. It'll go perfectly with your new Third Reich logo-ed Mein Kempf iPhone app. (Via /Film)

A card that offended the Apple App Store >>